Still Cruising

ok the beginning of the end starts tomorrow. Count down of exactly one month till the first paper of my last set of exams!! I just went through everything I have to study before then, and it's shitloads...i'm so screwed...don't think i've ever had to study this much in my life...:S anyways, it's a refreshing change. Some of my mates are going on holiday to Madrid tomorrow, I very nearly went with them...Thank God I decided to be lazy and backed out...however, It was my brilliant foresight that led me to realise that i'd be in this predicament now. *pat on the back* good thinking amz! :)

On a not so exciting note, I think I have issues with commitment and relationships. I get too attached, I expect too much, I get scared, I push away...I like to test things and people I care about, just waiting for them to crack. I'm scared it'll break anyways, so I keep trying to speed up the process without realising that i'm the one smashing it against the wall. Maybe I'm destined to forever want that drama that'll lead to the tres tragique end of my soap opera life...and when it finally happens, I'll wonder why. Like a fooool...sigh. It's nearing the 27th of the month again isn't it? (refer to previous post around this time last month)

These are the lyrics of one of the most beautiful songs I've heard in a while...

For The Windows In Paradise, For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti
Sufjan Stevens

I have called you children, I have called you son.
What is their to answer if I'm the only one?
Mo(u)rning comes in paradise, mo(u)rning comes in light.
Still I must obey, still I must invite.

If there's anything to say, If there's anything to do,
If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

I was dressed embarassment I was dressed in whine.
If you had a part of me, will you take your time?
Even if I come back, even if I die.
Is there some idea to replace (erase?) my life?

Like a father to impress, like a mother's morning dress
If (I) you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you.

I have called you preacher, I have called you son.
If you have a father or if you haven't none.

I'll do anything for you, I'll do anything for you,
I'll do anything for you, I'll do anything for you
I did everything for you, I did everything for you,
I did everything for you, I did everything for you,
I did everything for you, I did everything for you.