Ideal

The showers in halls are not working, and I've just been in the library and to the gym! I stink and feel sticky and I do not know how i'm going to sleep peacefully feeling all icky and gross.
Anyways, today was a marathon study session...10hrs...sat on my ass straight for 5 hrs as well...i'm so proud of myself :) hopefully it all pays off in the end. Loadsa other peeps are still having a good time going out and all that, but I keep forgetting, they don't have 8 exams!

Besides that, haven't really been up to much. Just library, gym and back. highlight of the day is lunch in the afternoon...normally head to ULU for the same old same old...I was craving some cheesy Nacho's from the 'Duck n Dive' but they won't be serving food during easter...bugger. :S

Anyways, today's mental struggle was WHY the hell i chose to be an academic instead of a pretty housewife.

Amrita: " Yeah I'll probably work for a few years and then settle down and have kids"
Anuradha: "Why?"
Amrita: "Oh shit yeah, Why? after all the hours i'm spending in the library now..."

Would be pretty stupid to give it all up after all the hardwork and sacrifice i've made to get this far. But aiyah, how I wanna chill for some of my life as well. From spending 10hrs a day in the library to try and get good grades in university, to spending 10hrs a day in an office trying to earn money to spend in the 2hrs I get off after work to go out before going to bed....where's the punchline?

I could've spent those very hours in the gym, learning how to cook/clean/sew/garden? And trust me, I ain't feminist enought to complain about them being 'surpressive' jobs...Rather, it'd be my ideal lifestyle. Become fit, marry a rich man, get him to buy me a 'small' business, and then run it from the confines of my comfortable mansion. Have loads of kids, become a tai tai, spend time with my lovely ladies playing mah jong or having high tea, throwing parties. Being a friendly socialite. :)

I would find it fulfilling. Finding the time to give back to society at the expense of my husband of course ;)

But we know that's not the way it is, and that's not the way it's going to be so, make the best of it init. Since I made the mistake of going to RGS (the root of the problem) I may as well live up to be being an academic. The least I can do is try...

Still Cruising

ok the beginning of the end starts tomorrow. Count down of exactly one month till the first paper of my last set of exams!! I just went through everything I have to study before then, and it's shitloads...i'm so screwed...don't think i've ever had to study this much in my life...:S anyways, it's a refreshing change. Some of my mates are going on holiday to Madrid tomorrow, I very nearly went with them...Thank God I decided to be lazy and backed out...however, It was my brilliant foresight that led me to realise that i'd be in this predicament now. *pat on the back* good thinking amz! :)

On a not so exciting note, I think I have issues with commitment and relationships. I get too attached, I expect too much, I get scared, I push away...I like to test things and people I care about, just waiting for them to crack. I'm scared it'll break anyways, so I keep trying to speed up the process without realising that i'm the one smashing it against the wall. Maybe I'm destined to forever want that drama that'll lead to the tres tragique end of my soap opera life...and when it finally happens, I'll wonder why. Like a fooool...sigh. It's nearing the 27th of the month again isn't it? (refer to previous post around this time last month)

These are the lyrics of one of the most beautiful songs I've heard in a while...

For The Windows In Paradise, For The Fatherless In Ypsilanti
Sufjan Stevens

I have called you children, I have called you son.
What is their to answer if I'm the only one?
Mo(u)rning comes in paradise, mo(u)rning comes in light.
Still I must obey, still I must invite.

If there's anything to say, If there's anything to do,
If there's any other way, I'll do anything for you.

I was dressed embarassment I was dressed in whine.
If you had a part of me, will you take your time?
Even if I come back, even if I die.
Is there some idea to replace (erase?) my life?

Like a father to impress, like a mother's morning dress
If (I) you ever make a mess, I'll do anything for you.

I have called you preacher, I have called you son.
If you have a father or if you haven't none.

I'll do anything for you, I'll do anything for you,
I'll do anything for you, I'll do anything for you
I did everything for you, I did everything for you,
I did everything for you, I did everything for you,
I did everything for you, I did everything for you.

Bored as hell

I can't believe I chose to stay in on a Friday night. It just goes against every grain of my being. I did my work, and now i'm bored out of my wits. And I can't talk to anyone coz they've all gone out or are in a different time zone and are sleeping. AND I've had the same song on loop for the last three hours , 'Ahankara Nagare' a singhalese tune so kindly introduced to my by Harleen. Anyways the options for tonight were to go to Soho spice, Crush, some end of term soas party or drinking at the pub..ALL OF Which I turned down because I promised a special someone I wasn't going out anymore. At least I feel good that I kept to my word.

Anyways, on a more conclusive note, It was my last academic day in uni today....Last tutorial. Over. Another Chapter of the book of my life completed. And i was like whaaaaat, is that it! what an anti-climax!!! I'm not even out celebrating. God knows what's happened to me...anyways, every fibre in my body is looking forward to the 25th of May...:):):)

In fact, I was talking to Lynette about this other day. How similar we RGS girls turned out in terms of what we want outta life and how we perceive things etc etc, but also how different we all are to when we first met. I was reminded of how I use to be the 'crazy single one always up for anything' and now i turn everything down without thinking twice....I wonder why that is.
I said its coz I used up my 'party' cards early in life and now i'm left with a hand of 'study' and 'worry'. haha ruuubbbiish...wait till uni ends...i'm getting my life back.

Things I wanna do once I graduate:
1. Get my driving licence
2. Go Ministry in Singapore
3. Go on a beach Holiday
4. Spend a day in a SPa
5. Buy a tiny portable video camera and document everything I do
6. Get pisssseeed with my girlies
7. Get high
8. Go shopping and buy a whole new wardrobe, inclusive of shoes and accesories
9. Go to Paris
10. Got to Manchester
11. My plan is to travel every weekend, try a new club and take a picture in front of Nando's at every destination
12. Organise a fundraiser event
13. Get to know Harleen, Vimal and Sanveen again like I used to
14. Start meeting up with friends again
15. Watch westend plays
16. Learn Spanish
17. Go to NEW YORK!
18. Jet Skiing again/Skiing
19. Start a travel blog like farzina's! www.elmundofarzina.blogspot.com
20. Start living life like there's no tomorrow, because you never know when the end is (in a positive way :P)

All seem trivial and easy but I just never get around to doing anything coz i'm lazy lazy lazy....


















Pictures courtesy of Arun's trip to South America last year...
The world is so beautiful...

Just to Clarify

I just quickly want to note that this blog is not a discussion about Sikhism as such, but I use it as the base to understanding what the 'bigger picture' is as it is the faith closest to home. At the same time, I'm trying to learn more about and understand Sikhism, as I feel that it would be the appropriate thing to do before exploring the similarities/differences with other faiths. I will only be justified in reflecting one upon another if I know what it is I am reflecting in the first place.

Fundamentals

Today I was studying in the library when a lovely young girl I know came and sat with me. She's muslim, and I am Sikh. We started discussing the differences and similarities between our faiths.
And since Sikhism is not as widely understood as Islam, she was surprised at how similar our beliefs are. It made me happy inside to feel that two people with completely different backgrounds could discuss our different paths so openly and yet feel completely in touch with the reality of the same destination.

When we started talking, she had many questions and I told her that I am not one that can give you all the accurate answers because I'm still learning myself, but nonetheless we reached a consensus that even across boundaries, love, ethics, patience, humility and morals are the keys to being succesful humans and followers of faith.

But she posed me a very interesting question, being a student of political history (or something along those lines). What defines good? If we truly believe we are doing what is right, who can tell us that we're wrong? If the world started off preaching killing/harming etc etc as the 'right' way to do things, would we believe that now? Does it matter?
Her example of Hitler was one, he honestly believed what he was doing was 'Good' and 'Righteous'. Why did the rest of us feel it was wrong? How could we get the point across to him that the rest of us believed he was wrong?

haha I thought at that stage, allow, we're living in the present. We should accept what is considered as 'good' by society now...and live accordingly. But then I thought, many of us justify what we want to justify as good, so our impressions of such are skewed. Like I think going out and having a good time clubbing is Good because I'mhaving a laugh and being happy. But I know some others that would beg to differ, saying it's a waste of time and dancing doesn't benefit you in any way (i'm exclduing alcohol in this). So who's right?

Anyways, this goes out to any Sikh reading this who knows, Do Sikhs at any stage mention Abraham, Gabriel or the 'prophets'?
And did Guru Nanak Dev Ji at any stage have a conversation with God?
I'm just wondering because she asked me at one point, so how come Guru Nanak Ji started 'preaching' Sikhism....was it from his own belief or was he a messenger of God...and to be honest, I didnt' know how to answer that question?

Lost Weekend

This weekend has lived up to its name. The Lost weekend.

I went to Nottingham! finally after hearing so much about it. The nightlife that is. Besides that it's a normal town, very similar to leicester. We made it up for Nottingham for Divya's 21st birthday. She was celebrating with her beloved boyfrined, Sunil. They had a massive house party followed by clubbing at a reknowned club in Notts, aptly entitled 'Lost Weekend'. The company was great, the champagne was flowing and the weed was smelly. I met up with the two funniest girls I know...Kajal Shah and Kushla Gopal. (hahahah They don't speak eeenglis by the way.) I miss our Goldman days and am definitely looking forward to many more good times!
I think we oughta have more house parties, that was I think the first and biggest house party I've been to in the UK. Everyone was friendly, chatty, relaxed and just out to have a good time. A completely different atmosphere from a stink old club where you can't hear a word the next person is saying, and are even more likely to not know what the next person even looks like.
The place looked like it'd been hit by a tsunami when every had left. There were pools of alcohol on the floor, rubbish all around the joint, leftover pizza boxes...you get the picture. haha I suddenly just remembered Dhiren doing a slippery slide moonwalk in the kitchen,before tripping and nearly knocking the breakfast counter over!! hahaha where's a video camera when you need one!

Anyways, there was just so much happening over the weekend, but we obviously spent most of our time in Nottingham in Divya's room on the bed/floor/chair. When we finally decided to get our lazy asses up,(thanks to an inspiring decision to go to Nando's for some hangover curing munch) we got ready and headed down to a taxi that had been pre-booked. With a mission in mind, upon being asked by the taxi driver where we wanted to go, simultaneously replied, "Take us to NANDO's please!" [I must inform you, there was no prior rehearsal involved as there was for many other incidents this weekend ;)] The cab driver thought we were mad, but we honestly hadnt' a clue about anything or where nando's even was because none of us had been to Nottingham before. But the sweetie cabbie attempted to make a few calls around (and so did we) and got us there in the end. We gave him and extra 20p for his brilliant detective work.

Furthermore, we realised that Kajal's photography skills are impeccable. Abstract? Basically, I asked her to take a picture of me and this is what we got....guess where I am? Hint: spot the nose.


But anyways to cut a long story short, Nottingham was wicked.
I came back and watched 7 episodes of season 2 of "Lost."
And now I'm just waiting for night to fall so I can start my life in the library again first thing tomorrow morning.

On a side note, I lost the plot with stinky again, the poor boy...I should really cut him some slack... but as we new-age Rafflesian women go, never satisfied till we've a rock on our finger, a butler in the parlour, ferrari parked out front and the vote in our favour. [joking la, don't stress baby. We can have zinger's for our reception dinner.]

Elongated

so weird, i can't view my own blog?
forbidden access....
Do they dislike my taste in music that much?

Your Body - Tom Novy

aaah tuuunee....
Arun says a bad website is one with background music. haha Good point though, people will already have they're music on and it just clashes. But with good music like this, I suggest you turn the **** you're listening to off...and tangkap, even if just for a minute.

Completely out of it...a.k.a Blur like Sotong

Oh dear, i'm having the ditziest week of the century, just keeping forgetting to do things or not thinking before I act...need to focus! :S *shakes head*
Like yesterday, I walked the 10mins it takes to get into uni, handed in my coursework, and was heading toward the library BEFORE I realised that I left the huge file I was going to use to study at home...sounds minor, but it was such a mission to get it.
Plus today I was the laziest ass and didn't get up for my 8o'clock. Now I just don't feel like studying full stop.


Anyways, before I forget, these are a few links I'd like to share:

www.foosabooks.com
- Recently created by a dear friend of mine, Varun Punjabi the dada. An easy way to buy/sell university textbooks etc. Created by uni students for uni students, I reckon it'll be quite useful for us in the UK. I'm going to have loads of textbooks to sell at the end of this year.

www.pandora.com
Like wow, talk about technology being intelligent. I've always imagined creating one of these and was as disappointed as pleasantly surprised when I checked out this link. Being a music buff, but not really one to stand in HMV and listen to different soundtracks just for the sake of it, this cuts my 'search' time into nothing and gives me the opportunity to listen to random tracks from the same genre of music....if you don't like a song, just skip ahead. Beautiful, smooth and sleek. The website is seamless. (only prob is you need an american zip code to create a free account, hopefully entering any five digit number should do the trick!)

www.facebook.com
If you're a student in the UK or US sign up!!! A wonderful way to waste many hours. But something a parent definitely would love. I'm sure my mom would use it as a new way of searching for an eligible doctor from California for her daughter (oldest not meee). Reason being it screens for university students, cuts her job in half.

erm there's more but i can't remember!!!

Current obsessions:
1. 24 (the series)
2. Red bull
3. Yellow Highlighters
4. Sevi the wise owl
5. Surprisingly not the gym
6. My bed.


ok off to Econs of the Law lectures. I hope everyone's being more productive than they set out to be!

Je sui desolee

Ok the donnie darko song is too depressing, sorry jaanu...I miss you too!!!
Anyways, my current favourite song is 'Sorry' by Madonna. SOOO all of you watch the video at the bottom of the page, part of it was filmed on my street!!! and i saw them filming!!! i.e. the cafe and the laundromat!!!

Anyways, tonight we're off to Crush...it's bhangra/school disco night and the whole crews' getting together for the first time in ages! Our lovely Dhruv is back from Sweden...let's get him pissed swedish meatball style...:)

Hopefully someone will be smart/willing enough to take a camera and take pics!!

Enjoy the tuuuuneeee

Crazy world we're living in

Walking through the gorgeous UCL quad on the way to the library to begin my day cooped up underground with my best friends, Miceli and Borjas, I was just soaking in the beauty of the outdoors when I noticed a hideous paper mache statue of an evil looking boy sticking out his middle finger and with his other hand grabbing his crotch! The paper mache lifesize statues was completely BRIGHT ORANGE as well so there's no way I wouldn't have spotted it. Outside the slade school of art, right under a gorgeous yet leafless tree! At that point, it reaffirmed my current view on life. People are just using excuses to express themselves in negative ways. Everyone's bored of appreciating the good in life and it's fashionable to be 'Bad'. But what are their true incentives, don't tell me these 'faeceas-throwing' porno-artistic pieces of art are substantially justified. How do people actually 'Appreciate' them as art?
All we're doing is living in a world where one person advocates a negative thought in order to evoke some sort of an emotion from the people around him. What has lead us to become a attention whoring society?
What actually started me on this traing of thought was watching The Apprentice (UK version wtih Alan Sugar) a couple of days ago. There was one REEAAALLLYYY annoying chick called Jo, who wouldn't shut up, wouldn't stop to listen to anyone else, chose to refute decisions, and the list goes on...The brilliance of the matter is that, Alan Sugar actually praised her! What he said was that he appreciated an aggressive business person who wasn't afraid to stand her ground and challenge those around her. Ok fair enough, I agree with this point, but does that mean individuals should feel comfortable agreeing to disagree all the time. Are people walking down a path where advocating instigation is the way forward. Does everyone fail to realise that although progress stems from conflict, it is not necessary to voluntarily invoke and advocate this conflict? Since when is a Good Leader someone who barks orders at you rather than involves you.
Where are the TV censors?! Where has common sense gone?!
Why do we fail to realise that every step forward we take by being a bitch, we are actually falling two steps behind in being human.
All these questions I ask are in the positive sense, (v. normative).

The conflict is between succeeding with a goal, and just floating along following the wind.
Hence I remind myself of Miri and Piri.
What I understand from this is the concept of remaining spiritual and fulfilling your transcendental obligations (Piri) while simulatneously making the best of your temporal state (Miri). According to the Sikh concept of oneness of Miri and Piri, sovereignty in both domains (spiritual and temporal) is not distinguishable. It is not unity of Miri and Piri, but it is oneness of the both. That is to say, We need to make the most out of life, but we should not fail to take heed of the teaching's of our Gurus. More importantly, we should not lose sight of our fundamental ethics and morals.

Be unto others the way you would want them to be to you.

Panic

I can feel it slowly engulfing me. From moment I wake up, the clock within starts ticking, waiting for the alarm to go in seven weeks. The final countdown to the climax of the univeristy chapter of my life. I have so much work to do and can't seem to get my head around all of it. I've been keeping up to date, doing the reading's, doing the courseworks, revising and everything else a normal nerd would do, but I STILL feel like i'm so behind and i won't have sufficient time to put myself in a position to ace the exams this year. I haven't got the time and energy to think about anything else. I've organised what I need to do, now i just have to stop worrying about if i'm spending too much time studying one subject at the expense of another.

Focus, Drive and Determination.
Do the best I can.
God is on my side (i hope :S)

I have nothing to prove to anyone, because I know what I'm putting in, and at the rate it's going, I better get what I deserve! Please let the hardwork pay off...

Subjects to Conquer:
1. Urban Economics
2. Economics of the Law
3. Industrial Economics: Market Structures
4. Industrial Relations
5. Economics of Information
6. Environmental Economics
7. Labour Economics
8. Financial Computing

aaah I know I can do it, i know i can!!!
I'm much more prepared this year than i was at this stage last year, please please please let that mean that i'll do much better!

oh no, and I still have to go the gym ;s....haven't been for a few days and and i'm already throwing the love handles a welcome home banquet.


Anyways, enough ranting.
wish me luck!

Emotional

This is for my baby, if you ever do read my blog...I miss you.

DIANA DEGARMO LYRICS

"Emotional"

Sometimes I get emotional

Sometimes I do some stupid things

Sometimes I say what I should just keep inside

Sometimes I'm sad about everything

Sometimes I'm mad and break some things

Sorry times 10 but you just got in the way

Don't give up now running away

I won't hurt you Sometimes I'm just a pain

And that's the way it is

That's just the way I am

Sometimes I feel like crying

Laying down and dying

That's when I need you

Laughing's always easy, but sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me

That's when I feel emotional

You say I'm just impossible

Totally unpredictable

I'm just a girl get use to it

No big deal

You can't change me why would you try?

I'm no angel but I can make you smile

And that's the way it is

That's just the way I am

Sometimes I feel like crying

Laying down and dying

That's when I need you

Laughing's always easy but, sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me

That's when I feel emotional

Don't give up (and run away)

I won't hurt you

Oh, sometimes I'm just a pain

And that's the way it is

That's just the way I am

That's when I need you

Laughing's always easy but, sometimes I'm just scared you'll leave me

That's when I feel oh yeah

That's when I need you

Sometimes I get emotional

Mooniemooniemoooonie. MOON!

The first words spoken on the moon, by Neil Armstrong, are well known, but what were the last words spoken from the moon on that first trip?

"America's challenge of today has forged man's destiny of tomorrow." - Commander Eugene Cernan, Apollo 17 Mission, 11 December 1972.

Aiyah cannot make it lah,"That's one small step for man but one giant leap for mankind." was so much more worth remembering!